Final Reflection

I put off doing this post for a long time. I was afraid that I married Marc for the wrong reasons. Afraid that I settled in order to avoid being alone.  I have since discovered two things:

  1.  The man I married and the man I divorced are two different people.
  2. I settled when I didn’t move on and stayed in an unhealthy relationship, not before.

As I was deleting all the pictures of Marc from my computer I realized something; he used to be spontaneous and a fun person to be around. I even smiled at a few of those pictures. That isn’t stopping me from purging his ass from my life, however, and the photos are long gone. When the weather is better I’m taking all the stuff and mementos from my marriage and smashing and/or burning it. I apologize in advance to anyone who gave me any of those things. Your gifts have always been appreciated. My brother has a great fire pit for just this purpose. I might even empty a paint ball gun on the dress.  Who knows?

So my mother asks me where all this aggression is coming from?  Mostly, he was such an ass for so long I want to take it out on something. It’s therapeutic. I am angry that he didn’t go away quietly. I don’t want to look fondly upon my relationship with Marc. I don’t want to think about him. I don’t care where he is. I don’t care what he is doing. So don’t bother telling me either. I want to move on.

And that is what I am doing. I have a new roommate. She’s great! We have conversations regularly. It’s a new thing for me and I’m enjoying it. My cat fell in love with her and my dog is teaching her a few things about life with pets. I do not regret my marriage. It was a learning experience. I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I need.

There are a few things I want to remark upon without Marc in my life.

I have had ice cream in the fridge for a month. The same 1/2 gallon container.

My house does not smell like cat urine.

I forgot to clean the cat box and there STILL wasn’t cat shit in the corner. No more snacks for Loki or Gambit.

My pets are new creatures. The cat is social and friendly. The dog is playing with his toys and is generally much happier.

I don’t have to adjust anything in my car when I get into it.

Speaking of my car, it has never been this clean and I’ve still got to wash and vacuum it.

My electric and grocery bills have been cut in half or more.

I’ve re-discovered how much I love music and I’m planning on going to a few more concerts this year. The Muse concert was amazing!

I’ve re-prioritized a few things in my life and I’m looking forward to an amazing year! I thank everyone who has and who will share it with me.

I’m sorry that I haven’t included any music this time. I just can’t find anything that quite fits that I haven’t already used.

~Audra

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