Post Divorce Reflection

January 27, 2016

By 9 AM on Wednesday, January 27th we were divorced. An agreement had finally been reached. M. tried his damnedest to profit from our divorce. I’d have to say he accomplished that one feat and only because I didn’t want this to drag out any longer. He should have moved out in October. We should have been divorced in December. He was an ass and I wanted, no needed, him out of my life forever.

Story of my marriage as of late: give M what he wants on inconsequential things so I don’t trigger a deeper depression. Like I really had anything to do with that, but I thought I was helping. Turns out I wasn’t.

February 7, 2016

It took a week and a half for him to move out of MY House. Yes, it’s now MY House, MY Car and he can’t have them. I got them in the divorce after all. My lawyer and I discussed getting him to leave and resolved letting him leave on his own, albeit 11 days later, was faster and cheaper. He and his son moved out that morning. I sat on the couch watching. By 10:41 AM he was gone.

He forgot some things and came back the next day. He also didn’t change his mailing address because he’s technically homeless and waiting to get into housing. I suggested a PO Box so he wouldn’t have to change his address twice but that would require a lot of work notifying the people he’s waiting to hear from of his new address.  So an excuse to come back here. Lovely. Yes, I could be a bitch about it. I really want to, but despite what I say and think, I’m really non-confrontational.

I began cleaning. I started with the little room that will become my craft room. As I was cleaning I found some more of his and our former roommate’s stuff. I’ll soon have a dumpster brought over so I can just throw all this shit they left away. I should send them a bill for it too. As of now I’ve only got the kitchen and dining room left to scour. The bathroom took all day and I STILL haven’t got the tub white. But I will.

I called it a ritual cleansing. I moved rooms, re-arranged furniture and threw a whole lot of stuff away or donated it. I have a roommate moving in. I’ll need some help transitioning to financial single life. She’s a good person and I think we are going to get along just fine.

Reflection

But the title of this entry is Post Divorce Reflection. I’ve been thinking and cleaning all week and have realized a few things.

  1. The man I married is not the man I divorced. I was looking through old pictures and deleting the ones with him in them. (Yes, I am removing him from my life completely) He was happy when we were first married, or at least as happy as he could be. He was fun to be around.
  2. I was afraid I may have settled for less than I deserved when I married M. This is not the case. However, I did remain with M because it was easier for many years. We tried therapy but since he wouldn’t talk to me outside the doctor’s office, we never managed to work anything out.
  3. I’m spending too much time marveling at how the things that made me unhappy aren’t here or aren’t happening anymore. I need to move on with my life. My friends have commented on the lack of negative energy in my house. My cat is more friendly and hasn’t tried to get outside. She was even caught purring! My dog is adjusting but actually playing with his toys again. He’s still crazy, though. He may be the only one in the house who misses M but he’ll get over it. The dog is trying to play with the cat but she isn’t quite up for that yet, but I expect it will happen at some point.
  4. I still don’t want to go out a lot, but I expect that may be more seasonal than anything else. I hate the winter, hate being cold and hate snow removal.

I’ve reached a brand new chapter in my life. I have waited to long for it to start. A friend suggested the reality of my divorce will likely hit me. This may be, but I don’t expect it to. I grieved the ending of my marriage a long time ago. Before I even asked for the divorce.


I am OK. Very OK. I’m happier than I’ve been in a log time and the future is promising. Just taking it one day at a time, listening to awesome music and celebrating the positive changes in place for me this year!

2016 is going to be an AMAZING year!

~Audra

 

 

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